Also, Check out the podcast version of this blog at : https://www.buzzsprout.com/2390237/episodes/18351891

It’s easy for some to believe that staying sober — and thriving in sobriety — comes down to one thing: willpower.

If you’ve ever told yourself, “I just need to be stronger,” or “I’m trying, but it’s hard,” you’re not alone. Many people quietly assume that if sobriety feels difficult, it must mean they’re doing something wrong or not trying hard enough.

But what if that isn’t true?

What if you’re actually doing much more right than you think?

That’s the heart of a recent Sobriety Now What podcast episode, where I explored a powerful real-life story that gently challenges the idea that willpower is the whole story.

A Story That Changes the Conversation

I recently spoke with a woman in her 30s — we’ll call her Josephine, or Joe for short.

Joe had been using marijuana daily for years. Morning, noon, and night. What made her story remarkable wasn’t just that she stopped — people do that — but how she stopped.

She quit cold turkey while continuing to work at a cannabis dispensary.

She went to work surrounded by the very thing she had stopped using — all while navigating withdrawal symptoms like sleepless nights, anxiety, irritability, stomach issues, headaches, and brain fog.

When I asked her how she did it, she answered simply:

“Willpower.”

She truly believed that. But I knew something important: willpower alone doesn’t work that way.

Willpower is like holding your breath. You can do it for a while… until you can’t.

There had to be more to the story.

And there was.

Trying vs. Doing

As we talked, Joe kept saying, “I’m trying.”

But what she described wasn’t trying — it was doing.

Trying is effort without movement.
Doing is action, even when it’s uncomfortable.

Joe wasn’t just trying to change her life. She was actively building it.

And that’s when something became clear: what she called “willpower” was actually a combination of four internal supports working together.

Supports that many of us already use — without realizing it.

The Four Supports That Hold Up a Thriving Life

I like to think of sobriety like a table.

The tabletop holds your hopes, your dreams, your relationships, and the life you’re trying to build. That table stays steady because of four legs underneath it — four supports.

If one leg weakens, the table wobbles.
That doesn’t mean it’s broken.
It means it needs support.

Here are the four supports Joe was already using — and chances are, you are too.

1. Willpower — Support for the Moment

Willpower helped Joe get through cravings when they showed up. In those moments, she told herself, “Not today.”
Willpower matters — but it’s meant to help in the moment, not carry everything.

2. Motivation — Emotional Support

Joe wanted more than cannabis ever gave her. She wanted her family to be proud of her. She wanted to be proud of herself. She wanted connection, a relationship, children, and a career where she could help people. That emotional pull forward gave her energy to keep going.

3. Discipline — Structural Support

Joe already lived with discipline. She trained regularly and took care of her body like an elite athlete — not for sobriety, but for her future. That same structure helped her stay steady when emotions were loud.

4. Purpose — The Anchoring Support

Joe came from a family with a long history in law enforcement, and she wanted to carry that forward. Her purpose became stronger than her cravings. When urges showed up, they weren’t the center of the table anymore — her future was.

You’re Probably Doing More Than You Think

Joe wasn’t superhuman.

She wasn’t broken.
She wasn’t weak.
She wasn’t “just trying.”

She was supported.

And if you’re reading this and thinking, “Why is this still hard?” or “I should be further along by now,” I want you to hear this clearly:

Most people don’t struggle because they don’t care.
They struggle because one or more supports is tired or underdeveloped.

That doesn’t mean you’re failing.
It means you’re human.

Sobriety isn’t about toughness.
It’s about support.

A Gentle Reminder to Carry With You

You are stronger than you think.
Braver than you believe.
Smarter than you give yourself credit for.
More capable than you realize.
And more supported — and more loved — than you know.

What helps you thrive in sobriety is already inside you.

Sometimes, all you need are the right words to see it.