Why Your Looking for the Wrong Evidence in Sobriety – check out the new podcast episode here:
https://www.buzzsprout.com/2390237/episodes/18563690
or go to sobrietynowwhat.com, or Evolvingfully.com
Many people tell me the same thing after they stop drinking or using:
“I’m sober… but my mind still won’t slow down.”
The thoughts race.
The inner dialogue feels loud, critical, and exhausting.
And people quietly wonder, “Shouldn’t this be easier by now?”
If that sounds familiar, there’s something important I want you to know right away:
Nothing is wrong with you.
A loud mind in sobriety doesn’t mean you’re failing. It means your brain is still running on old mental software—and that software can be updated.
The Real Reason Your Mind Feels Loud
One of the biggest misunderstandings in recovery is the belief that the brain is working against you.
It isn’t.
Your brain is actually doing exactly what it was designed to do:
look for proof of what you already believe.
In psychology, this is called confirmation bias.
That simply means your mind scans your day for evidence that supports the story you’re already telling yourself.
- If the story is “I always mess things up,” your brain will notice every small mistake.
- If the story is “I’m not enough,” your brain will collect moments that seem to confirm that.
- If the story is “Life is always hard,” your brain will highlight obstacles and overlook progress.
The moments themselves are often neutral.
What gives them meaning is the story your mind attaches to them.
Same Brain. Same Day. Different Story.
Here’s the hopeful part—especially in sobriety:
Your brain works the exact same way when the story is kinder.
If you gently experiment with a different belief, such as:
- “I’m learning.”
- “I can handle today.”
- “I’ve handled hard things before.”
Your brain begins scanning for different evidence.
You might notice:
- You paused instead of reacting.
- You rode out an urge.
- You showed up even when it was uncomfortable.
- You asked for help instead of isolating.
Same brain.
Same life.
New evidence.
The problem was never your mind.
The problem was the story it was assigned to prove.
A Simple Study That Explains This Perfectly
Researchers once divided people into two groups:
- One group believed they were lucky
- The other believed they were unlucky
Everyone was given the same task, in the same room, with the same newspaper.
Hidden inside the paper was a large message that said:
“Stop reading. There are 42 pictures in this newspaper.”
The “lucky” group noticed it almost immediately.
The “unlucky” group missed it entirely.
The difference wasn’t intelligence or effort.
It was what they were looking for.
That’s how the mind works in sobriety too.
The world doesn’t change.
The “newspaper” stays the same.
What changes is what your mind is trained to notice.
You Don’t Have to Argue With Your Thoughts
One of the most freeing shifts you can make is this:
You don’t need to fight your thoughts.
You don’t need to prove them wrong.
You don’t need dramatic affirmations your brain rejects.
What helps most is changing the question.
Instead of:
- “What’s wrong with me?”
Try:
- “What did I handle okay today?”
- “What’s one thing that worked?”
Your brain will answer the question you ask it.
And over time, it starts collecting evidence for competence instead of failure, progress instead of perfection, effort instead of comparison.
A Gentle Practice to Try This Week
Choose one steady sentence—something your brain doesn’t argue with—and carry it with you for seven days.
Examples:
- “I can handle today.”
- “Today doesn’t have to be perfect to be meaningful.”
- “I’m more capable than I think.”
Say it.
Let your brain look for proof.
Notice small wins.
Small shifts create momentum.
Momentum feels better than pressure.
Sobriety Is a Foundation, Not a Finish Line
Sobriety isn’t the end of the work—it’s the beginning of becoming.
When your inner dialogue softens, life starts to feel lighter.
Not perfect. Not effortless.
But more hopeful. More spacious. More possible.
“If this episode helped you notice how powerful your inner dialogue really is, this is exactly the kind of work I do through Evolving Fully.
If you’re sober or rebuilding your life and want help calming your mind, finding direction, or building a life that actually feels good to live in—that’s what I do at Evolving Fully.
You can learn more at evolvingfully.com, if and when you’re ready.”
You can learn more at evolvingfully.com, if and when you’re ready.
Before we wrap up, I just want to say thank you to everyone listening—whether you’re here in the U.S. or joining from somewhere else in the world. I’m really glad you’re here.
And if this helped, consider sharing it with someone who might need it too.
Live freely. Evolve fully. Thrive.
Enjoy,
Stuart
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