Thriving in Sobriety.
To hear the Podcast that this blog post was inspired by click below:
https://www.buzzsprout.com/2390237/episodes/18599826
Early sobriety can feel quieter than people expect.
You’ve stopped drinking or using.
You’re showing up to work.
You’re doing what needs to be done.
And yet, many people quietly think:
“Why do I still feel lonely?”
“Why am I so bored?”
“Is this what sobriety is supposed to feel like?”
If that sounds familiar, you’re not alone—and more importantly, this too will pass.
When Sobriety Feels Empty Instead of Free
I worked with someone not long ago—let’s call him Mike.
Mike had been sober for a few months. From the outside, everything looked good. He wasn’t drinking. He was responsible. He was functioning.
But one night he said something that stuck with me:
“I don’t want to drink.
I just feel lonely and empty.
Not depressed… just bored.”
Most nights, Mike sat on the couch scrolling on his phone, watching the hours pass. And the thought that kept looping in his mind was:
“Is this it?”
What Mike didn’t realize yet was that alcohol had been doing more than numbing pain. It had been filling space.
It filled time.
It filled silence.
It gave his evenings structure—even when it came with consequences.
When alcohol left, all that was left was quiet.
And a lot of people struggle there.
Why Loneliness and Boredom Are So Common in Sobriety
In sobriety, we don’t get different results by doing the same thing over and over again and hoping something magically changes.
Yet that’s exactly what many people do—waiting alone, scrolling, isolating, hoping motivation or connection will just appear.
Since the pandemic, loneliness has become a shared human experience. Screens have replaced real connection, and many people—sober or not—feel disconnected.
So if sobriety feels lonely right now, it doesn’t mean you’re broken.
It means you’re human.
It means you’re in transition.
The In-Between Space Is Uncomfortable—but Important
Sobriety often has an in-between phase.
The old life is gone.
The new life isn’t fully formed yet.
That space can feel awkward, empty, and uncertain—but it’s also where growth happens.
Mike didn’t change overnight. There was no big breakthrough.
Instead, he made one small decision.
The One Connection Rule
Rather than trying to “fix” loneliness or boredom, Mike committed to one intentional connection each day.
Not a full social overhaul.
Not forcing himself to be outgoing.
Just one small step outward.
Some days that meant:
- Listening to a podcast or audiobook while walking instead of sitting alone
- Checking out Meetup.com to find people with shared interests
- Volunteering or walking dogs
- Inviting someone over to watch a game
- Starting a simple routine like a walk with a friend or a book club
Even listening to voices—rather than sitting in silence—helped the evenings feel less heavy.
A few weeks later, Mike said something powerful:
“I don’t feel bored anymore.
I feel like I’m building a life.”
Sobriety Is About Rebuilding—Not Just Removing
Sobriety isn’t just about removing alcohol or drugs.
It’s about rebuilding:
- Structure
- Meaning
- Belonging
- Connection
Those are the very things boredom and loneliness quietly take away.
When you choose connection—even imperfectly—you begin to feel less stuck and more alive.
If You’re Feeling Lonely Right Now
If sobriety feels lonely or boring today, that doesn’t mean you’re failing.
It means you’re in a season of change.
So instead of trying to fix everything, try this:
Choose one connection today.
One step out of isolation.
One step toward life.
That’s often how thriving in sobriety begins.
If you’d like to listen to the full episode that inspired this post, you can find it on the Sobriety Now What? podcast, sobrietynowwhat.com —where each episode is designed to help you build a life that feels worth staying sober for.
Life really does get better.
And it’s better with you in it.
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Keep up the good work,
With kind regards,
Stuart
